Me, fighting a yoga mom in the organic food market circa 2023: take your hand off that peach or I’ll vaccinate your children against polio
and before you know it…
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*flashback to me trying to play with the bear outside the house
All I could think of was this
Priceless.
“individual utilized the racoon to blow into the interlock system successfully…” might be the greatest sentence ive ever read
@pineland-express
Meet Pickles, aka “Catosaurus.” He was rescued in Boston and he’s over 3 feet long.
BIG BOY
Huge motherfucker
In awe at the size of this lad
i don’t care what anyone says, season 5 of arrested development is good bc of this moment and this moment alone
“i made a kid cry we’re going to hell”
One of the rare times Eric Andre broke character
“I don’t even like talking to people in the daytime” me too, Hannibal
so apparently when my sister and i were little we took golfing classes and we got kicked out after a week. the reason being that the old white male instructor kept calling my 4 year old sister Maria “Mary” after she told him several times that her name is pronounced Maria. anyway, at one point, he tells her “well, that doesn’t matter anymore. you’re in America now.” and that distressed my sister so much that she hit him with her golf club.
that’s not what did the damage, though. what fucked that old dude up is that i saw my sister hit him from where i was standing and i ran over and started beating him with MY golf club. my mom says that i didn’t know what the hell was happening, but i squared up.
that’s why we got kicked out.